It makes sense when you do the math. The median duration of a marriage is 13 years and the average age for divorce is mid-forties. So somethings can find themselves back on the market after several years of cohabiting with a significant other.
I was averse to signing up to an online dating site after my year marriage ended at the start of this year. But in May I had an unexpected and surprisingly lovely holiday romance; it gave me a confidence boost. I signed up to Bumble and within minutes my Beeline inbox started filling with profiles of men who wanted to meet me.
This is great, I thought — exciting. Somebody wants to meet you! Clearly, things have changed. Dating sites, today, are not dissimilar to online games, proffers intimacy counsellor Angela Rennie. But of all the profiles in my Beeline, I was interested in very few. And then of the guys I swiped right on, not all of them swiped right back or stuck around, if we were matched, to have a conversation. Women are very picky about who they swipe right on and become even more cautious when they realise that not everyone they swipe right on will swipe right back.
I ended up dating two guys I met through Bumble. One was super-lovely and so — you guessed it — at 47 I did exactly the same as my year-old self would have done and decided he was too nice, declining his invitation for a second date. I was tossed aside after Date Five. For a start, know and accept what the research tells us about online dating and the odds of matches actually working out in real life, she says.
She also suggests sitting back for a while, if you do start spending time with a match, to see whether their behaviours match their words. But I saw non-committal behaviour. It always felt like I had to do the work when it came to arranging our next date. Be clear on what you want, your non-negotiables, Angela suggests — and these should include not dating someone who is seeing others at the same time, she hastens to add.
