Posted February 3, Reviewed by Lybi Ma. When you hear the term eroticized rage , you might think of violent sex, forceful sex, molestation, rape, and the like. You may picture disempowered individuals who use sex to feel a sense of power and control over others. Rather than looking at eroticized rage that manifests as pathology, this post looks at eroticized rage as an element of safe, fun, and hot sex.
Sex researchers have long known that the elements that comprise our sexual arousal template the thoughts, desires, and behaviors that turn us on are not random. They are impacted by our genetics as well as our life history. For some, this includes the intersection of anger and sexuality. Any strong feeling such as fear , risk, pain, or anger, can add intensity to the sexual experience. But more often than not, meaningful early-life experiences appear to be the driving factor in the development of eroticized rage.
Anything that leaves a child feeling powerless and searching for escape or control via fantasy and dissociation could ultimately lead to eroticized rage. Thus, it would be incorrect for a professional to assume that a trauma survivor who enjoys pain or abuse roleplay during sex must stop that behavior to fully heal his or her past.
In most people, once adult sexuality is formed by early adolescence , it is what it is. In his widely read article, Eroticized Rage , Dr. Patrick Carnes ties eroticized rage to narcissism as well as early-life trauma. Essentially, Carnes states that a non-narcissist whose self-image and self-esteem have been diminished by traumatic experience will feel embarrassed, rejected, and shamed, whereas a narcissist is more likely to feel outraged and resentful. The narcissist will experience an intolerable emotion and the impulse to escape that emotion, and he or she may find that sexualized fantasy and behaviors offer the perfect, intensely powerful escape.
In a PsychCentral post, Dr. Linda Hatch expands on this idea, noting the difference between true narcissism and what is known as narcissistic defense or narcissistic false self.
