Friends with benefits. Pals who fuck? Mates who shag? In short, we have fun and no one gets hurt. With all of them, I am different versions of myself; we meet on slightly varied terms that suit both parties and I love them all for myriad and varying reasons. The first, I met at university when we were both in long-term relationships with other people. Share memes, check in, but nothing more. I really and truly loved him but not one inch of me desired to be his girlfriend.
The second, I met at a party in North-Fucking-London. I say that because I never leave East London, and when the bash at which we met drew me way out North I was particularly disgruntled. Did I mention he drives a BMW and skateboards and is 4 years younger than me? The thot thickens. And, here we are, three years later.
The third has now ceased to exist. He lasted over a year and was somewhat famous. Said egg was also sure that almost everyone out there desired it. In reality, everyone did not desire the egg, but I had to do my best to ensure him that I thought they did too.
Poor egg. What stopped being fun was his constant paranoia that I was lying about my intentions, and that I secretly harboured hopes for our bit on the side thing to become the real deal. I did not please refer back to the hat bit. Also, and I will say nothing more on the topic than this, the whole physical nature of our relationship was- nuts. Firstly, there is the concern that one person will get hurt this did happen with boy one, eventually , the second is that I must be locking off a part of my brain in order to become impervious to feelings and the last is that no good will come of it.
In all honesty, I think that for a long time these boyfriendships kept me sane. It was just so much easier, to be honest with them. We need to discuss the pillow talk that comes with no strings attached sex. Akin to sitting in a confession box with a priest you know, and being able to bitch about your husband is exactly the kind of solace a woman can gain from a fuck buddy. A strangely concrete sense of trust can be formed between two people who share something incredibly intimate but also owe nothing to one another.
