There have also been many stories shared with our parent coaching team by parents going through either complete estrangement from a child, or dealing with a child who is distancing themselves from the family. Unfortunately, like many other parenting scenarios, parents are often under fierce scrutiny and are the target of judgment by the general public when this happens.
Why would an adult child sever ties with his or her parents? There are many different events and situations that can trigger this devastating decision. Even though it may seem unfathomable, an adult child has clear reasons in their mind why they may choose to discontinue communication with a parent. The excruciating part for many parents is the not knowing; they are often left completely in the dark as to why their child has chosen to end the relationship.
Ultimately, the child may feel that the relationship carries more hardship than benefit. James Lehman talks a lot about how certain parenting styles work with some kids and not others; what makes parenting so tricky is that you may have the perspective that you acted out of love and respect, but the way your child experienced it may be a very different reality. Simply said, even though you can do something with good intentions, it may not be seen that way by the person on the receiving end of the action.
Parents in this position struggle with whether or not to keep trying to reach out, and if so, what to say β or how long to try. Be consistent in your message.
There are many questions that surface for parents who are trying to figure out what comes next. Pain and anger are powerful emotions and it takes a lot of persistence and hard work to repair and rebuild relationships that are steeped in these emotions. Sending a consistent message that you wish to heal the relationship can convey a strong sense of commitment to moving forward. Be prepared to own your mistakes.
