Listen to this and more in-depth storytelling by subscribing to The California Report Magazine podcast. When I first met Amanda at a needle exchange program in Fresno late last year, she agreed to let me document her life. She had three kids, and she was homeless. Below is an account of the nine months I spent with her. It was three years ago, when she was 28, right after her boyfriend died in a motorcycle accident. Everything was just not a worry in the world.
Amanda has been anxious and depressed for much of her life. Amanda has been using methamphetamine since she was I ask Amanda to describe herself. I have freckles. Amanda has the names of her three children tattooed on her ankle.
She usually wears glittery eye shadow and keeps her nails painted. Amanda is sitting on her bed, showing me photos on her cracked smartphone. There are a few burn holes in the blanket.
She shows me pictures of her three kids. It blows me away. Her daughter had pulled them out of the bag and Amanda warned her that they were really sharp. His mother was watching the girl, and she had a rig in her makeup bag. Amanda could already feel the baby moving in her stomach. The doctor referred Amanda to a methadone clinic so that she could stop using heroin.
Methadone is a synthetic opioid considered safer than street opiates. It has fewer ups and downs. So, her plan is to get on methadone and get off drugs before her baby is born. When Amanda is seven months pregnant, she starts dosing on methadone. At the clinic, they give her a cherry-flavored liquid that she must drink in front of them. A month later, Amanda is still dosing on methadone but continuing to use heroin.
