Follow us. Ideally, when one relationship ends and another starts anew, it would be a clean break. Everything would end civilly, on a handshake , each of you departing with your box of stuff, your memories and optimism that the next one will be better, and last longer. Reality has other ideas. Even if not overly dramatic, breakups can be messy and time-consuming.
There is blame, anger, hurt. Like earphones left in your pocket too long, the strands of our relationships can take years to untangle, but what happens when someone new comes on the scene? They have no skin in the game, no attachment β all they have is your version of events. Do you have what it takes to handle the conversations about the ex? Tempting as it is to scorch the earth and pretend it never happened, a man who refuses to talk about his ex is a worry. Your new partner may panic that said ex is buried under the floorboards or, in a rather more unlikely scenario I grant you, a mysterious celebrity to whom they can never match up.
Bitterness is not a good look. Tricky one. The way you talk about an ex says even more about you. Plus, grudges are very ageing. If they were so perfect, why did you break up? The key, though, is to focus on the positive. Be optimistic! We are fated to forever wonder what went wrong in past relationships. Perhaps our brain is arming us against repeating the same mistakes.
You can turn this into a positive and discuss this with your partner about what you want to be different in your new relationship. If you can do it, and the baggage is minimal, staying friends with your ex is actually healthy and a great way for your new partner to connect to your past.
When the inevitable happens and your new partner asks your ex what you were really like, make sure the ex is fully briefed and handles it like a pro. Any criticisms should be low-level, like your habit of leaving socks under the bed, how you eat cold takeaway for breakfast and how long you spend in the shower β the kind of thing they can bond over and lightly rib you about rather than a full character assassination.
