Some parents will be back at it in a matter of months after having a little one β although the frequency of sexual sessions might admittedly take a hit. But for others, the struggle is real. The same survey found acts of intimacy that increased after having kids included cuddling, manual stimulation and oral sex, while making out, vaginal intercourse and anal sex were way lower down on the agenda.
But for lots of new parents, even this is probably a stretch. Some are even going years without it. On top of that, some parents might experience physical discomfort after childbirth. So putting anything near your vagina β except maybe a nice cooling ice pack β is probably the last thing on your mind.
More things getting in the way of sex include: struggling to find the time amid all the nappy changes and feeds, tiredness because sleep no longer exists , and changes in desire or mismatched desire. They may be feeding and feeling their body is not their own or their breasts are serving a different function. So what happens now? Connection is super important and is often present when people are happy with their sex lives.
Ask yourself: can some time be carved out during the day to enhance connection? Spend some quality time together and do something fun. The sex therapist recommends asking some probing questions: have interests changed? What might each of you like to do? Are there worries? Do you feel desire β if so, when and what helps you both to feel it? What might you like intimacy and sex to look like? Can you get creative?
This might mean getting intimate in a different way or at a different time. No, suggests Christophers. It might also be helpful to think about creating boundaries with time or privacy and carving out a clear line between kids and adult time. With body issues, sharing these with your other half can be helpful as they can then work with you to help you regain confidence.
