Abstinence isn't a realistic or appealing option for many singles. Even if you're seeking a committed relationship, casual sex is likely to happen along the way. Some people can emotionally handle casual sex and others can't. Still others tell themselves they can handle it, but are really sabotaging their search for something more meaningful. It's understandable why many singles don't want to give up sex entirely while looking for "The One" -- after all, that might take awhile. But there is no escaping the fact that sex complicates things.
For many of us it complicates things a lot. If you are seeking a committed relationship, sex can be especially complicated. Too often we expect that sex means the same thing to us and our partners, and this is not always the case. Here's my four part test to determine if casual sex is a bad idea for you.
Before you sleep with that guy you're not in a relationship with, ask yourself: 1. If I never hear from this person again, will I be OK with that? A surefire way to know if you're being honest with yourself about your expectations when it comes to casual sex is to answer this crucial question. If your answer is 'yes,' then you're in the clear emotionally. You are able to separate the act of sex with a deeper emotional attachment.
If your answer is no, don't do it! You are clearly hoping for something more than this person might be able or willing to give you. Engaging in sex with someone you're not in a relationship with is a gamble, and you shouldn't gamble unless you can afford to lose. One likely scenario is you are hoping that your casual relationship might turn into something more serious. This is not unheard of, but going into it wishing and hoping for that is a bad strategy. You must learn to listen to what people tell you - and if their words and or actions are telling you they want to keep it casual -- believe them.
If the sex in question is with a friend or someone else who is likely going to be a continued presence in your life, modify this question to say: If this person tells me they are no longer willing or available to have sex with me, will I be OK with that? The same principle applies - if your friend with benefits falls in love with someone else next week, how will that make you feel? If it would make you feel badly, then you are more attached than you have admitted to yourself.
