In fact, spending time with people and getting to know them is completely good and healthy. We seek people out with the specific agenda of getting into a relationship, rather than just enjoying the opportunity to get to know someone over time.
Rather than assuming or expecting a deeper relationship right away, we need to learn to value people first and foremost for who they are and for the genuine fellowship they can provide without any extra strings attached.
In my somewhat sheltered upbringing from church youth group, I was taught to date intentionally, with the goal of marriage in mind, and to date only one person at a time. But this mindset has too often led me to pick one girl I liked and to form an expected goal in my head before I even make the first move — before I really even get to know her as a person. And, without real-life interaction and companionship, those expectations too easily lead to hurt and disappointment.
The approach of getting to know someone without the pressure of a relationship — while it sounds good — has admittedly challenged my previous views on dating. I had one good friend suggest that, when I met a girl I found interesting, I ask her to meet me for coffee, but without paying for hers. We should just spend time with people, enjoy and value it for what it is, and then see when and if a more exclusive form of dating seems like the right next step.
One of the first new friends I made in this area was a girl close to my age. I just tried to get to know her more as a person, as a friend, because friends are what I still need more of in my new location anyway.
