Dear ParentLine: Our son, age 15, has become very scary to us. He told us about this thing called "friends with benefits. We can't believe that he's so promiscuous, careless and heartless about it and we certainly fear for his well-being. We've told him about the dangers of STDs and pregnancy, not to mention the psychological and risky social factors, but that doesn't stop him. He just thinks he's well-enough protected to not worry or, he thinks he's invincible.
How can we dissuade him from this ridiculous, dirty and dangerous behavior? Dear Fretting: You're part of the growing numbers of parents nationwide who are concerned about teen sexual activity, which is becoming increasingly common for teenagers from 14 to 18 years of age. Teens are developing a new type of "sex-only" relationship in which they are "hooking-up" the new term for a one-night stand for sex β both intercourse and oral β but do not consider them selves to be "dating" or in a "monogamous" relationship.
If the one-night stand turns into a series, but still with no relationship, then it's a "friendship with benefits. The tragedy for your son, his peers, and millions of teens across the country, is that hanging out, hooking-up, and having sex with a casual acquaintance and without intimacy is considered a "benefit" of "friendship.
No matter how you slice it, sex is a personal, intimate act with emotional undertones. Therefore, why wouldn't it be prudent to wait until one is more mature, and even then, select your partner carefully, wisely and with your own self-worth in mind? The fact that teens in the 10th grade were sexually active was, while not ideal, no big surprise. However, the fact that the survey found that although teenagers were having oral sex more often than intercourse and with many more partners, it is yet more disturbing that a majority of those teens said they did not use condoms.
To the answer why teens are so sexually active, Cichocki says, "Peer pressure's a very strong influence in a teen's life. But that's just one factor in a teen's decision to engage in sexual behavior.
