Journalists Jeb Lund and David J. Roth step away from real world anxieties and step into the gentle, cornball, consequence-free world of the Hallmark Channel. Each time, we discuss a different Hallmark original movieโfrom Christmas cheer, to wedding jitters, to junk-store detectivesโand break it down into recognizable components of angels, moms, moppets, sugary foods and themed sweaters, and try to make sense of when the stories veer away from comfort films and land in the uncanny valley.
Welcome to a sweet, stilted vision of the worldโnot an escape from modern life, but a relaxing trip to an alternate universe where everyone is silly, chaste, nice, and mostly doing fine. Implausible landlordism It's fine, it's a Chilis II Elevated basement, structurally self-aware No gazebo, no kiss Groening's a Karpluk Buckley affably going along Spot the Angel: No, but Hunger Games No Cure for Christmas The Hallmark Expanded Universe: All Hallmark retail on one block; widowers are just lying divorced dads The Korean War Great Moments in Moppetry: Rating: Three-car garage Crypto's pumping Let's gooooo debut Christmas in Angel Falls Family kiss ogling Widow Talk: Don't eliminate supportive traditions Fiber-optic marketer Merry Christmas!
Buy our show artist Caitlin Fitz Gerald's excellent book: Here. Is that the blowjob guy? Santacon: A cold version of St. Patrick's Day DC's Hallmark Wicker Man experience Southwestern pro-Christmas A disc changer The Expositional Challenge Parasocial cast relationships The Beesley Touch A movie made of extra bits Bloodhound Gang BJ Guy Eat Your Heart Out: Thicc sushi-place Christmas cookies; boilermakers; dry ice; pint eggnog; canteen; math jokes, round food; food trucks; wasabi rim Who's the Real Villain?
Audience mistrust, atavistic studio notes Sam Bankman-Fried Cool Runnings, tacos, Casablanca Russell Hainline, we're your friends My sweatpants Pandering target We've already got the furry erotica! Georgia championship hockey Mariah-Grinch Continuum Is the Grinch horny? Cast Rundown Just settle! Like the rest of us! Covid-fueled throwback How do you act a story like this well? A "being adult and normal" fakeout A literal bible Eat Your Heart Out: Grandma's dire eggnog; The Cider Social; awful pastries, sugar drinks; Barbie food; stadium peppermint tea; Sleepytime mascot, pajama gun, candlelit ushers; the Drunken Puck; airport chocolates, airport beer Clear hotel lobby store Zamboni driving in the Richard Scarry region of the brain False Ray Bourque information Scott, winter ignorant Great Moments in Moppetry: Googe-sound boy; The Leftovers: Non-interruptive work-from-home A smooth Pod Yourself The Wire namedrops Gretzky Saw 3-D Postgame interview BS You know how to ruin a cider social Let's sing Cocoa in camo Throwback movie Episode titles greatest hits Plot Mop-Up: Secret aunt, choir exercises Valid Wicker Man Overdetermined: Mom tells you to let go of your dreams, leave the eggnog carton Mom taunting Crossover: Safe callback; Glee Sports-triumph movies still exist Tyler, Kyler, Tyler Who's the Real Villain: This movie Incredible titles work here Rating: 2, throwback movie Tim Allen and Robert Goulet Foxwoods theme song Blake Shelton kickbacks Good singers, bad performance Bus weirdo Prester John Shut up, kids, it's the second episode of Hanukkah!
We regret the errors It's good! Jew Belong meets war Good movie crammed into Hallmark, better than Christmas fare Crying at The Rock, Actually Nerd cred Fake Londoner, Comic Guy Double the characters, all matter Ashkenazi word load Format tweaking, references on the meta knife edge
