When the browser popped up, I noticed that he had been browsing the San Diego Craigslist pageβ¦ for casual encounters. I got really mad and accused him of cheating on me. We have been having problems lately, but I never thought he would consider hooking up with someone else. It takes a lot of courage to seek counseling advice in such a vulnerable moment. Catching your partner browsing San Diego Craigslist is not a normal oops β it has the intention to hook up with others.
It is totally normal that you feel confused, betrayed, angry, and unsure of what to do next. As a couples therapist, we see this often. The flood of emotions can be debilitating. The thing you do know for a fact is that he has been browsing the internet for casual encounters on San Diego Craigslist. The fact is β you are hurt. Unfortunately, this now causes all the trust to be lost. The fact that he was looking at the San Diego Craigslist casual encounters can erode trust and create doubts about the future of your relationship.
Since you found the San Diego Craigslist casual encounters, you will need to have an honest conversation with him. Couples counseling is something you may want to begin immediately to help you have important and constructive conversations. Simply be honest about how finding the sites causes you to struggle currently. As for whether or not you can trust him again, it will take time to rebuild trust if you decide to stay in the relationship. When your boyfriend violated the boundaries you thought were clear in your relationship, your secure attachment suffered a wound.
It sounds like there were already other relationship issues before this happened, which can make things even more confusing. Committing to each other to work on the relationship is going to be important, and you may not be ready to do either stay or go. Let him do the same. If you both decide you are willing to work on the changes the other person has requested, make a game plan for specific actions you can both take to hold up your end of the bargain.
Let your boyfriend know that it is essential for him to follow through on his promises so you can slowly rebuild your trust in him.
