This is a continuation of the topical series about forgiveness. In the last post , I supported the position that forgiveness is not romantic through the story of Joseph and his brothers. Jacob and Esau have been jockeying for position since the womb , literally! The oldest son in this time and culture would inherit a double portion with extra responsibility, called a birthright.
Esau was born first, so this should go to him. Jacob has to run for his life and stays away for twenty years. He gets deceived over and over for the rest of his life. His father-in-law tricks him on his wedding night, his sons trick him into thinking his favorite son is dead, etc. Jacob sent messengers ahead to let Esau know he was on his way. Four-hundred men are meant to send Jacob a message.
So then, when these two brothers are about a field apart, comes this dramatic moment between themβ¦. Then Esau ran to meet him and embraced him, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him. And they both wept. An excellent psychologist taught me to think of a relationship as though the relationship itself is a separate person. Put a mental placeholder here. We can mistakenly expect our forgiveness to prompt the other to change their habits or character in return.
Forgiveness with strings attached smells like manipulation. When we want someone to treat us differently, the way forward is to talk through that. Whenever we give to receive , it is selfish. It is self-centered, not relationship-centered.
This approach puts the shoe on the wrong foot. Only the one who broke the trust can put in the work to earn back trust. Genesis 40 , New Living Translation. You will live by your sword, and you will serve your brother. But when you decide to break free, you will shake his yoke from your neck. As Esau runs towards Jacob, the yoke starts to loosen up.
